I hate New Year. Mainly, I think, because of the afore-mentioned 'celebrations' of the event. I could, quite literally, rant paragraph after paragraph about why I hate it but I'll try to be brief.
My primary hatred for New Year is the compulsory enjoyment obliged on all those (Read: 'me') attending various events. Secondly, I can't understand what's to be so unnaturally joyous about? We're all another year older (well, a second older - but that's another argument!) but what is the significance? Thirdly (and I can feel my blood boiling as I type), the whole "Olde Langs Syne" and crossed-arms, hand-holding love-thy-partner crap. As an extension - the kissing that subsequently ensues.. particularly because all "stroke-of-midnight New Year kisses" have unique characteristics reserved for such an occassion:
1. Partner kiss - A half-hearted effort loaded with 5% enthusiasm for the year ahead but 95% questioning whether what you've got is worth keeping for the coming year..
2. The half-friend 'kiss' - usually a friend of opposite sex who clasps your hand to shake it, sporting a pathetic smile; extending the mandatory new Year salutation but it's too late - you've already leaned in too far on this formal arrangement and an awkward and very tentative kiss between you both is the only way to break the compromising misadventure.
3. The drunk friend kiss - You've spent the intervening, depressing few minutes since "Olde Langs Syne" finished watching the party pisshead assert his/herself on unsuspecting guests in an uncomfortable and unnecessarily forward manner. They stumble towards you, clasping their arms around you, tilting their head and licking across your face and lips as an incoherent string of words mumbles from their lips - "Habby Newm Yaar". You're saved by a friend of theirs passing through their peripheral vision enticing them to throw themselves that way..
4. The family kiss - Aunties, Grandmothers etc etc. New Year is license, it seems, for wet-lipped relatives to get a little too proximate. My personal space is very sacred but here is such an occassion where normal rules of spatial recognition are abandoned.
5. The kiss with meaningful chat - Cringeworthiness of the highest order. Usually from a drunk party-goer it goes something like this:
You (as they stumble into you for a kiss) - "Happy New Year" *polite smile*
Them (usually spoken directly into your ear because they've chosen to embrace you) - "I know this year's been shit but next year'll be much better.."
You (in an attempt to be polite) - "Yes, thanks.."
Them - "No, seriously.. I love you and you're brilliant and I really mean this.. you deserve it.. I know I'm drunk but I do mean it and I want to you to know it.." *repeat ad infinitum*
Thankfully, my New Year was bearable this year. And Happy New Year to all of you! *forced smile* ;-)
